My Heart Transformation

Hi! So, this is my first blog on my World Race Page and I am very happy to start blogging and telling my stories and journey through my walk with Jesus. I have never blogged before at all so this first one might be a little rough, but with Jesus I am more than a conqueror.  This blog kinda talks about why I chose to do the World Race Gap year and also talks about how Jesus is always transforming my heart each and everyday. So welcome to my crazy journey with Christ. It might be messy, but God is good and promises to never leave His children. So let’s gooooo!! 

For starters, I grew up in a Christian household my entire life and all my close family members and extended family went to church, took communion, prayed, yada yada, ya know the usual Christian things lol. Don’t get me wrong some of my close family members are truly followers of Christ and have prayed for me and helped me alongside my journey of growing in Jesus so much. It is just hard sometimes the stigma of growing up in church since you were a child and almost seeing Christianity as a “hobby” or “personality trait”. I even went to a Christian high school for four years so the “Christianize” lingo was very prominent to me growing up. 

I have always had struggles or things I deal with personally within myself just like everyone else has (like Paul I call them “the thorns in my side”). It wasn’t until after I graduated did I truly realize my relationship with Jesus and the secret sins I deal with are my own and not part of an organized group or religion called “Christians.” I went through my first semester of freshman year of college feeling alone, confused, rebellious, angry, sad and just being tossed by the waves of the world allll the time. It was like I couldn’t get a break in the waves to stand up enough to walk out of the tide. Skipping to Christmas break I was completely crushed, lonely and finding myself still trying to get my worth from boys liking me on dating websites etc. It wasn’t till my mom saw I was sad one night and said I should watch this new show with her called “The Chosen” that I remembered the little spark Jesus had shown me a handful of times before. In the show I saw Jesus’  disciples ministering to people and leaving everything they had behind in this world to follow Jesus and share His love to everyone. I have been on a few mission trips before to Nepal, Guatemala, and Jamaica and watching that show reminded me of how it felt to truly follow Jesus and have my own relationship with Him outside of the chapel walls etc. You might be wondering how if I had that experience serving and loving Jesus before, how I could forget what that was like and turn back away from God? The answer is Satan. Just Satan. The master of lies and deceit. Satan whispering in my ear so long combined with my immaturity was the perfect match for me becoming distant with Christ and thinking I could do life by myself. What a dumb way to live, because as you can tell it left me hopeless and suicidal. Maturity hit me that night in December and I decided to rededicate my life to Christ because truly Jesus is all that I need. I don’t need a boy, I don’t need a million friends, I don’t need the bottle, I don’t need that substance, I don’t need to be dependent on my family’s faith to get me by, I don’t need a fancy degree/all A’s, I don’t need anything except Christ. I realized when you live in Christ everything falls into place, peace, hope, trust, love, adventure, and you get a built in best friend the Holy Spirit who is always with you 24/7. 

I know I might sound crazy to some people, but with time and leaning into Jesus things start to become more clear and the crazy seems plausible with Christ. Since joining the World Race Gap year squad and taking a break from college I have become stronger in my faith, stronger in being by myself, and stronger in preparing for this crazy journey overseas. I just want everyone to know the heart transformation Jesus can give someone if they make Jesus their own. I want everyone to know the love Jesus can give you and help you give to others. Life is still hard, I still struggle with sins and I still feel defeated/lonely sometimes. Luckily, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness,” (James 1:2-3.) I know now that even though I might feel alone, I am not alone and Jesus is with me. Since I have Jesus I can face any trial and be happy because life is worth living. I love Jesus and I am so excited to see what He will bring into my life no matter where I am. 

Another blog coming soon 🙂 thank y’all, God Bless.